I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
