so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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