i need an iv and a liver transplant
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize