He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
