how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
