i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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