Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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