A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
