i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
