if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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