I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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