You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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