I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You ruined the universe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
