Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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