So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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