my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
