I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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