rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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