He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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