if we break up, who will get the dealer?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
