I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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