I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How's work?
Spinning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
