woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
