i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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