You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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