They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
