I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
