I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There r osticjed everywhere
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
