a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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