If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
