I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
