Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
