She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
