I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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