I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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