If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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