everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
