we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I pour the whiskey from now on
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