life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
