you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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