you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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