We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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