Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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