If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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