Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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