We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
