He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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