Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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