I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
