yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
they need to just BURY HIM!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
