we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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