I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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